@Marlebean: 'A confident swipe of the debit card' is my favorite fantasy.
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@MarcusTheToken: At this wedding, the DJ played The Black Eyed Peas, everyone left the dance floor. I like these people.
@ambamthankyamam: Bicyclists, it's one thing to hog the road, but it's quite another to expect us to know your fancy hand signals. Also, I can see your balls.
@Jake_Vig: If he marries someone else, raises a family, and leads a very fulfilling life, maybe he's just not that into you.
@michaelianblack: Any celebrities who are thinking of dying soon, please befriend me so I can relate a moving and humorous anecdote when you pass.