@mjkspeaks: a contractor is just a regular tractor that rips people off
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@HandyJack420: The Dominos "tracker" says Ashley just left with my pizza so I only have a few minutes to get naked. Just glad it's not Brad... ...again.
@MarlonBrandNO: I stuffed my mom last night. I know you're thinking I have an Oedipus complex and that's gross but jokes on you I'm a taxidermist
@DirtMcTurd: [Watching "House Hunters"] Jen is a housewife works on her art all day, her husband Tim manages a Taco Bell. Tim: Our budget is $4 million
@envydatropic: How long before your caterpillars will turn into butterflies? Me looking at your eyebrows