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@mjkspeaks: a contractor is just a regular tractor that rips people off
@aveuaskew: If all the Domino's employees in the world held hands, you'd have to make your own pizza.
@BritXNic: *Slowly breaks up with you, word by word, during a game of Scrabble.
@Tommytoughstuff: "Have a seat"
*Turns on video of son eating pizza with a fork and knife.*
"Dad I..." **Dad puts up hand* "Please don't call me that."
@jus4golf: 95% of my tweets are the truth. The only thing I lie about are statistics.
@meganamram: Itching, flaky skin? Burning sensation while urinating? You're probably on fire!