@Jacob_Swift16: A cop just told me that i have way too many buddha statues for there to not be drugs in the house
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@KizerBillhelm: *on first date* Did you know that wool sweaters are the closest you can legally come to being inside a sheep?
@KalvinMacleod: HER: my dad hates puns but loves food ME: got it HER: dad, this my date ME: hey papaya yam glad to meat u HIM: *shakes then crushes my hand*
@redherringbear: If you believe you can pass a drug test by drinking large amounts of water, you're just diluting yourself.