@Jacob_Swift16: A cop just told me that i have way too many buddha statues for there to not be drugs in the house
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@KimmyMonte: Can't believe no one told me that cows can't walk down stairs. Now I'm stuck with all these attic cows.
@JohnLyonTweets: This haunted house sucks. It's just people sitting in cubicles under fluorescent lights looking sad. Wait, this is real life? NOOOOOOOOOO!
@Mr_Kapowski: Him: This house is perfect for us! Her: What about the kids? Him: You're right. We'll have to put them up for adoption
@jus4golf: How many of you have awakened with your spouse holding your hand only to find they are putting your thumb on your iPhone trying to break in?