@Jacob_Swift16: A cop just told me that i have way too many buddha statues for there to not be drugs in the house
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@Kyle_Lippert: Fun fact: the person who said "If you love something let it go" died alone, surrounded by 342 cats.
@caliluvgirl77: [first date] Boy: so where are you from? Me: [points to all you can eat sign] I live here now.
@XplodingUnicorn: 4 y.o: I used the potty. Can I have a treat? Me: No. You always go in the potty 4: I can stop Me: Apparently I negotiate with terrorists
@GianDoh: Psst. The real reason Ryan Gosling is taking a break from acting was to molt, mature & become Ryan Goose.