@Jennabear32819: A cop pulled me over and said ''Papers...'' So I said, ''Scissors, I win!'' and drove off like a boss!
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@Mostly_Cheese: [diner] Waitress: What’ll it be? Me: (doing connect-the-dots in the kids menu) A giraffe, I think.
@TheHyyyype: [my future self comes back in time] HIM: here's every sports score for the next 20 years ME: great, thanks for ruining the games for me
@jctwritesstuff: [Zombie Apocalypse] Him: Pack your go-bag. No nonessentials. Me: K Mascara Record player Albums Like 4 of his hoodies Vodka Charger Katana 800 thread count sheets Books Cheese *dies*