@Jennabear32819: A cop pulled me over and said ''Papers...'' So I said, ''Scissors, I win!'' and drove off like a boss!
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@badbanana: One horribly inappropriate comment and you'll never be shown another baby photo at work ever again. Totally worth it.
@KalvinMacleod: [pet store] COP: someone's been stealing puppies OWNER: OMG now I’m missing another one ME: who would do such a thing *shirt starts barking*
@lecalabara: Why does a billionaire need a Bat signal? He is in a cave. How does he even see the signal? Why won't you just text him?