@KKAlThani: A cop stopped me & asked "do you know why I followed you" so I said "cause my tweets are funny" & we laughed & high-fived & I'm in jail.
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@robfee: I wish boxing was like wrestling so when the ref was distracted Manny Pacquiao would run in & hit Floyd Mayweather with a Stone Cold Stunner
@xysist: If Kim and Kanye name their next kid North West again, we can comfortably refer to the two as One Direction.
@cambuslad: You totally had me at "I want you" and I was so excited, I completely missed the " To leave me alone" part....Sorry my bad.
@matt_travelling: So is Walmart a verb now? As in, "I'm out of clean underwear, so I'm going to have to Walmart it today."