@KKAlThani: A cop stopped me & asked "do you know why I followed you" so I said "cause my tweets are funny" & we laughed & high-fived & I'm in jail.
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@MikeEpps___: Niggas Dont even say grace before meals anymore . They just Hold up Their Phones over the Plate , snap a Pic , & Post it on Instagram
@21stcenturysahm: 20 years ago I dreamed of traveling the world. Now I dream of my kids actually getting dressed when they go upstairs to get dressed.
@bouncerface: Everyone complains about immigration until they're searching the city for a decent taco.
@fabulouscop: *man with beerbelly waiting outside elementary school* *teacher walks towards man* "are you expecting a child?" "no thats from all the beer"