@iliza: A cop was outside my house talking to some people and my first thought was "yesss" because I'm nosey.
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@craigrachel: The dogboner /Neil degrasse Tyson situation has been an elaborate ruse all so Michael hale could claim on gawker that he has a girlfriend
@mrtruthandsoul: According to WebMD, I either have the Ebola virus or I just sat on my car keys :/
@dubstep4dads: "hey dad, when did they outlaw hyperboles?" "hmm i dont know son, like a bajillion million years ago? idiot" *cops bust down door*