@JackieMartling: A couple's having breakfast. He says, "Were you faking it last night?" She says, "No, I was really asleep."
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@SSDated: I told a boy I loved him once. We were 6. He punched my arm & stole my cake. Life lesson. Never lose sight of what's important. #Cake.
@seejaylinco: please stop asking me to change my password, i'm getting tired of renaming my cat all the time
@GingerHotDish: Maced a hobo who started pulling cables out of my computer at work. Turned out to be the hipster IT guy and now I'm in HR again.