@OhNoSheTwitnt: A COWORKER BROUGHT HER INFANT INTO THE OFFICE LET'S ALL CROWD AROUND AND TERRIFY IT. -women
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@Proxic0n: SCIENTIST: Behold The self-esteem powered car! Come take it for a drive ME: uh okay *gets in* [CAR JUST LITERALLY FALLS APART]
@PaperWash: If you tell me having a dog is the same as having a kid then I'm going to assume you yell at your dog to keep his pants on at Wal-Mart.
@ImABaconDonut: 5: I went potty. Me: Did you remember to wipe this time? 5: No. Me: Why? 5: It's faster my way. I don't know how to counter that argument.
@Gooooats: Sometimes I correctly spell a word I expected to spell incorrectly and then I type some gibberish to make sure spellcheck is still working.