@envydatropic: A coworker just asked if I had any "mouth water" and I am thoroughly confused by this
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@longwall26: *gets dragged out of daycare* DON'T LISTEN TO THEM! IT'S NOT A CHOO-CHOO! IT'S A SPOON!! IT'S STRAINED CARROTS IN A SPOO
@Book_Krazy: Calm down 'Fitbit' joggers. I can drink one 5-Hour Energy and reach my target heart rate without even getting off my couch
@Donna_McCoy: Trainer: Diet to hit your goal weight. Me: Then what? Trainer: Diet forever to maintain it. Me: *heading to Pizza Hut* Nvm.
@s8n: If it's 1 or 1000 sins you're still getting sent to Hell. So why not go for 1,000,000 sins and come down here a legend