@envydatropic: A coworker just asked if I had any "mouth water" and I am thoroughly confused by this
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@_davidlucas_: The shortest distance between two points is over a cyclist. ~Australian drivers, apparently.
@nikkithecanuck: I must admit, my "Kiss Me, I Have The Zika Virus" T-shirt is giving me a lot of personal space inside this subway car.
@bridger_w: Does anyone want a free microwave? Contact me. We can talk about how we both want a free microwave
@Breadery: Relationships are about compromise. I pretend she's not watching a Gossip Girl boxset. She pretends I'm not digging her grave in the garden.