@envydatropic: A coworker just asked if I had any "mouth water" and I am thoroughly confused by this
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@ScubavelliDeux: *whispers seductively in your ear* "...look at that last slice of pizza and you're dead to me..."
@Crunk_Jews: [first date] Her: I like a guy who gets a little nasty Me: [puts hand sanitizer away] I used a gas station bathroom once
@Playing_Dad: Daughter: Daddy, why do you have to go to work everyday? Me: Do you like clothes? Daughter: Not really Me: Shut up
@Death_Buddy: Three ways to tell if you're dating an Octopus: 1. They give awesome hugs 2. They have no skeleton 3. Every date is at the aquarium