@OhNoSheTwitnt: A coworker just asked me how I stay so thin so I responded "I don't post pictures of my food online" and I think she believed me.
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@Sassafrantz: *rises out of neighbor's hot tub* I'd like to talk to you guys about home alarm systems...
@Flossieraptor: Bella is the most misunderstood girl in fiction. She games Edward for immortality, starts a vampire war&secures a wolf servant for her baby.
@NotthatAdamWest: If you hold the door open for me when I'm more than ten feet away, you aren't doing me a favor. You're making me exercise.