@OhNoSheTwitnt: A coworker just asked me how I stay so thin so I responded "I don't post pictures of my food online" and I think she believed me.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@eminmien: "Faster!" I yell, dropping into the bank from the open skylight. "I'm trying!" Shouts my grandma from above, furiously knitting more cable.
@Darlainky: Parents, we noticed you successfully avoiding the candy and toy aisles, so we brought the candy and toys to your checkout lanes. -stores
@jonnysun: LAWYER: [whispers] i did the murder [loudly] read that back? STENOGRAPHER: "I Did The Murder." JUDGE: omg the stenographer just confessed