@Mr_Kapowski: A coworker sent me an instant message mistakenly typing "The cloak stopped working" to which I responded "OMG you can see me?!"
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@OctopusCaveman: Me: Remember when Rodney King got beat up and everyone had that weird party in LA? Jill: It was a riot. Me: It wasn't funny Jill.
@RxitWounds: Objection your honor! He's badgering the witness lmao *Courtroom erupts in laughter* Badger: Ok seriously I'm a lawyer and deserve respect
@Danny_Dilford: I was wondering why I wasn't picking up any chicks recently, but then I realized my Monster energy sticker fell off my car