@SkinnerSteven: A "cup of Joe" has a completely different meaning at the sperm bank
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@BoozeWallet: [pretending to talk on phone while mugger approaches] yeah, so then they told me that my Karate is just too deadly for the Olympics
@Brianhopecomedy: I hope that the missing puzzle piece my 5 year old has been searching the house for has nothing to do with my 2 year old's burp.
@oxnuxo: Fire engines are painted red for camouflage, so they can sneak up on fires without being noticed