@neiltyson: A curious tradition -- to look at a newborn baby and say to yourself, "Because of your DNA, one day you will rule over me."
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@juanadog: Pointed out my kids real dad to them at the car wash today. None of us are sure if I'm kidding.
@Smooheed: *puts on sexy underwear and high heels* *grabs whip* *flicks whip* *searches for scissors to extricate whip from hair*
@toni_goldsetin: My mom always has these great sayings for life, like "Don't count your chickens before they hatch" and "Everybody hates you."
@jakob_huber: Pouring a bucket of white marbles into the hippo pen will result in a lifetime ban from the zoo no matter how hungry they looked.