@electrolemon: a cute girl stopped behind my laptop as I was full screen on a pic of bread and I didn't know what to say so I stammered out "I like bread"
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@SoWeirditsCool: Stalker status update: Good news-I'm not in your house. The bad news-I am UNDER your house and the tunnel is complete.
@Pierre__4: If you truly want my undivided attention start to tell me something then say never mind
@tehaveragejoel: "will..." *Starbucks barista squints at name on cup* "... the Red Slime Shoddy please stand up?" *Eminem flips table and storms out*
@dafloydsta: [at a funeral] *approaches the weeping widow and embraces her* *whispers* "So you're single now, right?