@electrolemon: a cute girl stopped behind my laptop as I was full screen on a pic of bread and I didn't know what to say so I stammered out "I like bread"
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@Jade_VK: Brenda from work unfollowed me on here so now I have to follow her around the office all day reading my tweets like a news broadcaster
@MelanieShebel: I'm not saying the Internet lies, but there is an alarming discrepancy in the number of iPads I've won and the number that I actually own.
@primawesome: I haven't had bread in 3 weeks. I look great but now all I think about is bread. I'm basically a duck at this point.
@Sassafrantz: Him: She's always doing magic tricks Therapist: Is that true? Me: Check your pocket. [he pulls out a piece of paper with 'NO' written on it]