@OutOnTheMoors: A CW pronounces both "r"s in February, both "d"s in Wednesday and has just told me the "correct" way to say segue. Please send weapons.
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@DannyZuker: As my friend confessed, "My teenage daughter never even talks to me," I struggled to conceal my jealousy.
@truegritrumble: (First Day as Mailman) ME: *wearing a suit made out of stapled together pieces of mail* Sup? BOSS: You're supposed to deliver those. ME: No.
@texasstalkermom: Want his attention? Send nudes Want to piss him off? When he responds, reply "Oops, wrong person"
@BitchyJasmine: Bob: Women always call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.