@imasmartass37: A cyclist told me to share the road, so I threw a piece of asphalt at him.
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@IamEnidColeslaw: ALL THE JADED LADIES all the jaded ladies ALL THE JADED LADIES all the jaded ladies
@TriciaLockwood: me: this cat is kissing me on the lips because it LOVES me cat: mother's lips taste perpetually of bacon
@catcerveny: As my mother-in-law and I fight to the death for her son's love, I sometimes think to myself, "This may be the worst prize ever."