@imasmartass37: A cyclist told me to share the road, so I threw a piece of asphalt at him.
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@punmagnate: Sup girl, I hear u like bad boys *I open the wrong side of juice carton* *evil spirit flies out* Oh, so that's why they say don't do that
@Death_Buddy: You want just one cow for those magic beans? Idk, I'm suspicious, magic beans sounds like the sort of thing that would cost 2 cows.
@funnyortruth: Friend : "I wasn't that drunk!" Me : "Dude a thief stole your T.V and you ran after him screaming "YOU FORGOT THE REMOTE!!!"
@ch000ch: my doctor refuses to fight me and i think it's cause he saw how i barely cried during my flu shot