@Spotzwoj: Why do all zombies have sprained ankles?

@Carrie_Rachel: In this era of excessive exclamation point use, punctuating a text with a period is the quickest and simplest way to cause concern.

@ComedicBust: I was excited when my GF asked me to dress up as the cable guy, until I spent the next 3 hours on the roof, trying to fix the satellite dish

@Cheeseboy22: Some jerk called me "pretentious" so I called him a "planktupus." I can make up nonsense words too.

@ShmooReport: Jail