@imasmartass37: A cyclist told me to share the road, so I threw a piece of asphalt at him.
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@michaeljhudson: I brought a t-shirt cannon to a knife fight. Everyone dropped their knives to catch their own piece of WNBA history.
@GreenishDuck: One day a guy named Matt banged a waitress and nine months later a mattress was born haha just messin around on this website.
@behindyourback: I bet the creator of the artificial heart is pretty pissed that we still use "sliced bread" as our basis for great inventions.
@kevinrowe1: Doctor: Between 1 and 10, describe how much pain are you in? Me: Is married a number? That's how I get the good meds...