@imasmartass37: A cyclist told me to share the road, so I threw a piece of asphalt at him.
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@Sarcasticsapien: Most Trump supporters favorite Disney character is the hunter who shot Bambi's mom and we all know it.
@EtobicokeErnie: Last night my wife said to me, “What would you do without me?” Apparently, “Your sister” was the wrong answer.
@ADDiane: Cats can use their whiskers to navigate in the dark. I use my toes. And shins. And lots of cursing.
@10InchesPlus: So in The Matrix they feed you the liquified remains of the dead through a tube but you get to sleep and be online all day? I'm listening.