@Nathan_NC17: A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
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@underrateDad: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 4,917 times and you're probably my kids.
@Angibangie: -If I'm wearing matching bra and undies, I better get more than a cuddle. McDonald's worker: Another bad date huh? Have some free fries...
@murrman5: *calls sister while babysitting for her* "the younger one says you guys don't own a snake. this true?" [kid in background] ITS LOOKING AT ME