@markydoodoo: A dog walks into a bar. Then a bank. Then the dry cleaners. This is a dog world. Way to be productive, dog. Try to do the bar last next time
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@TheAlexNevil: We've all got that one family member who's an embarrassment and this restraining order suggests my family's settled on me.
@ericsshadow: [at a bar] "I'm meeting my friend Dan" big Dan or Dan who's never has money? [door swings open] HEY WHO WANTS TO BUY THEIR BUDDY DAN A DRINK
@wolfpupy: "i wouldnt be caught dead" someone throws a net over my dead corpse "gotcha!!" "noooo"
@LorieGZ: My family seemed kinda happy that the rice I made yesterday fell on the floor before I could serve it tonight.