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@bobvulfov: [a dolphin kisses me at sea world]
ME: so like what are we
@QwertyJones3: What's that?
"It's my pet rock."
Why does it look sad?
DWAYNE JOHNSON: I'm hungry.
@daemonic3: Superman: I hate your Bat Cave! I can't get cell service
Batman: Your carrier sucks
Superman: Oh yeah, who do you use?
Batman: Bat Mobile
@JesTurtle: I'm wearing the boxers with the little hearts all over them tonight.... It's probably not a good night to go to jail....
@MzCoburn: This whole time I thought Ariana Grande was a font
@SteveHofstetter: Samsung just announced a series of water resistant phones. Just what you want in a phone that sets itself on fire - to be water resistant.