@longwall26: A doorbell that whispers "hide."
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@Matt_The_Fist: I like to walk through the mall and hand out bags of Cheetos to all the kids I see wearing white clothes
@missteenussr: Never feel like you're too small to make a difference. After all, a tiny raisin has the ability to RUIN EVERYTHING ITS BAKED IN.
@DurtMcHurtt: [making out] ME: *grabs a blindfold from the nightstand* GIRLFRIEND: omg really? ME: *blindfolding the dog at the end of the bed* really.