@PyrBliss: A dragonfly just landed on my face an I reacted the same way I'd react if an actual dragon had landed on my face.
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@philyuck: The Molotov cocktail is of course named after Vitaly Molotov, an 18th century Russian industrialist who exploded after being thrown at a car
@TheTimmyToes: [on the way to the hospital] GF: "let me get this straight. You thoug-" Me: I thought that the mouse trap would detect that I am not a mouse
@david8hughes: [speaking at funeral] Deceased's brother: there's no words to describe the anguish we all feel right now Me: what about 'anguish'?
@DadUnderFire: I usually turn down the volume on my car radio when searching for an address, as if the house will shout out to me as I approach.