@hamspamtymaam: A drivers license is basically just a selfie with way too much info.
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@Kauaibride: you are so beautiful without makeup. -my husband, after he saw i spent $62 on an eyeshadow.
@rachelaxler: he literally just said, "everyone's saying i won the debate." is it possible...hear me out...trump has an imaginary friend named Everyone?
@david8hughes: Wife [knocking on bathroom door]: hurry up, we're meeting my parents in 10 minutes Me [stepping into bath holding a toaster]: almost ready