@Molly_Kats: A drop of roof water hit my face and I reacted like it was liquid herpes.
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@fizzlestothetop: Well, seeing as Jesus only had 12 followers, I'd say I'm doing pretty well for myself.
@PaperWash: "I bought a new car!" Whoa that's a lemon, how much did you pay? "Only $3,200" Dude it's literally a piece of fruit "Damn....not again"
@xeyednpainless: If you tell me to "chillax," I will "chillstab" you and "chillaugh" while you bleed to "chilldeath."
@hippieswordfish: kid doctor: [looking over charts] im not going to lie this is the worst case of cooties ive ever seen little girl: he said he'd been tested!