@Molly_Kats: A drop of roof water hit my face and I reacted like it was liquid herpes.
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@GaryJanetti: Apple is developing an iPhone that pregnant women can swallow so fetuses can go online since they have nothing else to do in there.
@KhrisWarhol: McDonalds can't extend their breakfast hours because at 10:01am, the eggs become self aware.
@figgled: Things Women Over 30 Should Never Wear 1. exploding glove 2. ham sandwich 3. flaming fireplace 4. Dead bird helmet 6. shark eggs
@WheelTod: On your first day at the beach, go up to the toughest-looking guy there, and let the air out of his water-wings.