@MinedOvaMatter: A drum solo but on your face.
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@DadBeard: If pizza places cold called people's homes and asked if they wanted to order a pizza, I guarantee you their business would triple.
@dafloydsta: [movie night] Her: Can I pick tonight? Me: You picked last time and it was horrible Her: WE WATCHED OUR WEDDING VIDEO
@astutenewf: Whole Foods Cashier: Do you have your grocery bags? Me: Kidding? At $6 an apple you should drive them home and make an apple pie for me.