@OneWonderWoman: A facebook friend posted, "I'm not ashamed of Jesus." It took every single ounce of my willpower not to reply, "Uh oh. What did he do now?"
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@IdStandOnThat: My daughter just said, "Daddy, you're good looking & not fat like other dads." She's only 10, but we're headed to the BMW dealership now.
@SirEviscerate: WIFE: (watching news) Someone broke into the Smithsonian Museum last night. ME: (wearing an original pair of ruby slippers) That's weird.
@SortaBad: Ok No Loitering sign, let's get one thing straight: the type of people who loiter are not the type of people who know what loitering means.