@OneWonderWoman: A facebook friend posted, "I'm not ashamed of Jesus." It took every single ounce of my willpower not to reply, "Uh oh. What did he do now?"
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@deadstick_ron: Therapist: and how are you now? Morgan Freeman: I am fine Morgan Freeman: but Morgan Freeman was not fine Therapist: I'm sorry what?
@fro_vo: Good Cop: why is your baby crying Mom: he just won't take a nap Pun Cop: looks like he's Good Cop: if u say resisting a rest i swear to god