@AnneeWH: A fairy godmother but for breakups. She takes your phone and leaves alcohol and possibly your first cat.
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@Ameiam: People are always like "you're so crazy" and I'm all like "please take off the restraints, I promise I won't do it again".
@iamburtjarvis: [confessional] me: father, gooey naan. father: what's gooey naan? me: nothing much. what's goin' on with you?
@tekkie: Girlfriend: Ok you hang up :-) Boyfriend: No You hang up first :-) Girlfriend: no you first Boyfriend: No you first NSA: both of you hang up