@AnneeWH: A fairy godmother but for breakups. She takes your phone and leaves alcohol and possibly your first cat.
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@Underchilde: If I ever commit suicide, I wanna jump off a cliff w/an open umbrella so people wonder if I thought it would bring me safely to the ground.
@lovemydogduck: The only times I go for a jog is when there's a cute guy in front of me or a creepy guy behind me.
@salmarch79: I went around the block with my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.
@stereoskyline: Procrastination has taught me how to do 30 minutes of work in 8 hours and 8 hours of work in 30 minutes.