@AnneeWH: A fairy godmother but for breakups. She takes your phone and leaves alcohol and possibly your first cat.
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@DanMentos: "If you're having girl? Problems. I feel bad. For you? Son." -Russian guy telling his pregnant wife he hopes it's a boy.
@MarcusTheToken: Alright white people, had to Google "totes" to find out what the hell it meant. I know one of you came up with it. Cut that shit out.
@ArfMeasures: "Sir how should we sell scissors?" SADISTIC CEO: Put them in tough plastic that..get this*cries with laughter* u have to open with scissors