@DanMentos: A family of crows flying into a windmill is a murder suicide
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@UNTRESOR: "Sorry, boss. I can't come in today." "Why not?" [fakes a sore throat] "I'm in jail for vehicular manslaughter."
@daemonic3: The coolest thing about dating Mystique from the X-men is the unlimited free food samples she can get for you at Costco
@gwatts77: Just ordered a pizza from Papa Johns online ordering system & it asked me if I had any instructions for the driver. Yes, "Bring weed, bro"