@DanMentos: A family of crows flying into a windmill is a murder suicide
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@shutupmikeginn: I thought Match .com was a place to arrange fights to the death, but turns out it's a website to find love. So I was close.
@TheToddWilliams: [mission] CMDR: Did everyone sync their watches? ME: Yeah and now it doesn't work CMDR: What? Let me see ME: I can't...it's in the sink
@adamjest: *makes doctors appointment* *arrives 20 minutes early* *waits in doctors office for 7 hours*
@ThaJawn: (gym) Me: *tries to lift dumbbell *drops it Trainer: COME ON! IT'S NOT THAT HEAVY! Me: I know, it's just this KFC grease making it slip