@DanMentos: A family of crows flying into a windmill is a murder suicide
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@LoriGallucci: "Omg, what a cute baby. He's adorable. Makes me want...oh never mind he's crying now bye"
@Xoolun: Went to the gym and asked the trainer. Could you help me do splits? Trainer: Sure How flexible are you? Me: I can only do Thursday.
@StansaidAirport: I live in constant fear that someone will abduct my mother in law at 35 Ash Street, London, Flat 2, door is sticky buzz Carol to let you in.
@david8hughes: I borrowed $500 from a co-worker then paid a homeless guy $8 to kill him in a McDonald's bathroom. I'm up $405 or whatever.