@DanMentos: A family of crows flying into a windmill is a murder suicide
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@trojansauce: ME: *vaping* FRIEND: is that just a fountain pen? ME: *ink all over my teeth* nope
@TheTweetOfGod: It's not that people use only 10% of their brains, it's that only 10% of people use their brains.
@13spencer: After Captain America was thawed from the ice, his first encounter with a Japanese-American must've been really awkward.