@DanMentos: A family of crows flying into a windmill is a murder suicide
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@iwearaonesie: *runs into the back of wife's leg with the grocery cart for the 5th time* me: We meet agai- wife: Go wait in the car me: Ok
@charliedelta7: I taught my son how to spell beer so he'd stop bringing me Pepsi from the fridge.
@OW_Divine: The movie jaws, except instead of the dramatic music before the shark eats someone, it plays Dory’s “just keep swimming”