@Home_Halfway: A family of ducks walks into a church. "Hi, yes, umm...I hear you have a man who turned his body into bread?" The father asks timidly.
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@DamienFahey: 70% of the Earth's surface is water. The other 30% is covered in advertisements for The Blacklist.
@brynnester: [Restaurant] Waiter: Would Sir care to choose his lobster? Me: There's only 1 in the tank & he's holding a sign that says 'I have a family'
@dafloydsta: I have good and bad news WIFE: Bad news first We need a new front door WIFE: And the good news? [points to Monster Truck in living room]