@armenianhbilly: A fat racist and a skinny racist jump off a cliff. Who wins? Society
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@NickMotown: To back up his "every action has an equal and opposite reaction" theory, Newton should've released one simultaneously saying "no it doesn't"
@chuuew: [Snake family queueing to get on the train] [They spot Samuel L Jackson already on board] SNAKE DAD: Not this shit again.
@gruffybeard: Her: I need a living will. Me: *wiping blood off knife* I've got a dead Steve. Close enough?
@nocturnology: Turns out indoor stone throwing is a mistake no matter what your house is made of.