@dooce: A few weeks ago I mentioned toilet paper in a tweet and got toilet paper in the mail. So, here goes: dragons.
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@thegayfarmerguy: Cat is hissing at nothing in the kitchen. Based on horror movies I've seen nothing good can come of this, but I'm a white guy so I'll stay.
@sixfootcandy: (first date) Me: *hyperventilating* Him: Don't be nervous. Take a deep breath. Me: Can't. I'm wearing three pairs of Spanx.
@Mikecanrant: Legally, if a woman is wearing hoop earrings that are as big as the side of her face, you are allowed to hurl a basketball at her head.
@Kyle_Lippert: 911 I JUST SAW TWO TRANSFORMERS FIGHTING "Mr Bay, please stop doing this every time you see a car crash"