@simoncholland: A few weeks ago my dad decided he was going to order pizza from his iPad. He's almost finished.
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@markleggett: Go back in time and kill Hitler as a baby. He'd be so freaked out that a baby is trying to murder him, you'll have the element of surprise.
@caithuls: [first date] ME: Wanna get out of here and *looks around nervously* go to separate places separately?
@rolldiggity: Why crush your kid's imagination by telling them the Tooth Fairy "doesn't exist" when you can just have her leave a suicide note?