@simoncholland: A few weeks ago my dad decided he was going to order pizza from his iPad. He's almost finished.
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@AbbyHasIssues: *Showing me a picture of your baby* Me: Is that a dog toy in the background? What kind of dog do you have? What's your dog's name?
@TheCatWhisprer: ME: bartender. another. BARTENDER: but you just- ME: *slams fist on bar* ANOTHER [bartender reluctantly hands me another moist towelette]
@DzNutz83: Your honor, if you watch the tape in reverse you can clearly see the officer planting the evidence in my vehicle.
@thenatewolf: *Orders pizza* What a night *Phone buzzes* And a text? Killing it *checks phone* ok that was the pizza confirmation but still cruising