@AGreaterMonster: A firm handshake and a kiss on the neck is how I like to close my job interviews. Nailed it!
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@LOsepyan: Ever wonder how the guy who discovered milk had to explain what he was doing to the cow?
@TheHyyyype: [high] ME: dude, NASA faked the moon landing FRIEND: wait, u mean- ME: yep, the moon never landed at all, it's still out there somewhere
@_NTFG_: A News Reporter just described someone as "Healthy as a Bus". Yeah....I don't know either.
@truegritrumble: (At My Funeral) FRIEND: Of course he found a way to avoid paying me back my $20. ME: *muted snickering from the casket*