@NickBossRoss: A friend and I just decided that in 10 years if we aren't married we will tell each other what's honestly wrong about ourselves.
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: Teen: Your brows are on fleek! Me: (confused) Yeah well your FACE is on fleek. Teen: Thanks! Me: God damn it.
@ohpeetie: [ new burger joint ] Me: I hear this place has the best burgers in town Waitress: Yeah, and we make our own ketchup Me: *leaves*