@NickBossRoss: A friend and I just decided that in 10 years if we aren't married we will tell each other what's honestly wrong about ourselves.
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@OldUncleDaveO: Pretty sure I just heard a grown man wrestle a bear in a bathroom stall at Chipotle.
@AngelaEhh: My tall sister took the vodka out of the cupboards above the fridge. I always thought those doors were just there for decoration.
@bossy_bootz: I notice you only call when you want something Person calling: ma'am your bill is 90 days past due