@zachreinert03: A friend asked if I thought there was alien life on other planets and I was like don't give up hope, there's someone out there for you
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@Tommytoughstuff: "Come on man! I'm sure your superpower is cool! Show me! "Ok" *stares at two glasses of soda* the diet is on the right." "Wow um..neat..."
@weinerdog4life: If you say "NO YOURE UNDER ARREST" the cop legally has to get in the back of your car.
@rockymomax: [having sex] Her: HARDER! ME: Divide 110 into two parts so that one will be 150% of the other. What are the 2 numbers? Her: 44&66 HARDER!
@carlyken: "...until death do us part." *looks at minister* "What about a Walking Dead situation where she's a zombie? Then I can bang other chicks?"