@Xoolun: A friend came over visibly shaken. He said he had just slept with his 3rd cousin. I told him, if it upsets you that much quit counting them.
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@withanewname: [Installing ceiling fan] Me: drill…screwdriver… tape…there finished! Wife on the phone: Is this Bob's fix-it shop? Yeah, he just got done.
@carlyken: How To Tell A Girl Is Mad: 1. She tells you she's mad 2. She tells you she's not mad 3. She sets your stuff on fire 4. She sets you on fire