@Xoolun: A friend came over visibly shaken. He said he had just slept with his 3rd cousin. I told him, if it upsets you that much quit counting them.
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@GoldenSpirals: Humans will not be fully evolved until everyone achieves the ability to maintain a constant speed while driving.
@IAmMikeFeeney: What they say: "Hey, have you lost weight?" What they mean: "Hey, I remember you being a lot fatter. What gives?"
@DirtMcTurd: One of the fake rooms at Ikea should just be a couple fighting as they try to put the furniture together