@bellicosejason: A friend just texted me & asked for relationship advice. That's like asking the pope to name all the members of Slipknot.
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@iGreenMonk: Because of Twitter, people use words like Twitterverse, Tweeple, and Twitcide. Which makes me want to twoot myself in the face.
@TheDairylandDon: Once you understand they're unwilling time travelers dropped here moments earlier, the confused actions of squirrels suddenly make sense.
@chimneyspotter: DATE: ...so that's how I ended up at Harvard Law! ME: Sometimes I make a fruit salad in my mouth by biting into different kinds of fruit LOL