@_Shizzle: Thesaurus was the first dinosaur to get murdered. No one likes a know it all.

@JaimeSamantha: It's wildly known that all the great artists of the renaissance era loved eating pizza in sewers.

@JumpingJesusH: If you love a cat, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours to keep. If it doesn't, you drove far enough.

@Thynebear: *walks up to bouncer* "sorry pal, this is a private country club" *peeks inside* [everybody's fist pumping hard as heck to kenny chesney]

@ruinedpicnic: (climbing out of my coffin) I'm sure you all have a lot of questions, but firstly the reason I faked my death is- [nobody is at my funeral]