@NoDomesticDiva: A friend said she thinks she should buy her teen a chastity belt. I said try perming her bangs, that worked well for me when I was younger.
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@gojarbe: [wedding] i wrote my own vows *removes paper* "chickety china the chinese chicken" whoops wrong one *2nd paper* "if i had $1,000,000"
@Rainbowbunee: Opened the bathroom cupboard and a bunch of feminine hygiene products fell out on me. It was a tampede.
@JillBidenVeep: Joe: I'm going to ask Donald if he wants something to eat Barack: That's nice, Joe Joe: And then I'm going to offer him knuckle sandwiches
@daemonic3: The coolest thing about dating Mystique from the X-men is the unlimited free food samples she can get for you at Costco.