@Underchilde: A friend was telling me about quantum mechanics and I told her how I hate it when the safety seal on ketchup leaves that clear film behind.
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@Reverend_Scott: Obama: Hello Amer- *feels a tug on his suit coat* What Joe?? Biden: What color should the lion be? Yellow. Biden: I'm using green. *giggles*
@shutupmikeginn: women love to see the veins in a man's arm. it shows he runs on blood, and not something more sinister
@murrman5: [backstage at a concert] hey guys you mind signing this? [next day at car dealership] rascal flatts is your cosigner?