@Underchilde: A friend was telling me about quantum mechanics and I told her how I hate it when the safety seal on ketchup leaves that clear film behind.
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@Humor_Fetish: "Do you want to be the numerator or the denominator tonight...? You're so radical!" How I hit on my imaginary mathematician girlfriend
@Maxine12333: You can't go by good looks as not everything is as it seems. Remember The Trojan Horse, Snow White's apple and your ex.
@TheCatWhisprer: WIFE: you forgot to run the dishwasher again, didn't you? ME: [drinking milk from a flower vase] no, why?