@Underchilde: A friend was telling me about quantum mechanics and I told her how I hate it when the safety seal on ketchup leaves that clear film behind.
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@canadasandra: the host of the party told me to make myself comfortable so I went back home to bed
@corysnearowski: In WWII soldiers left burlesque magazines around so if an enemy found it he'd yell "HOt DOG" then howl like a wolf & give away his position
@daneZie: *gets caught breaking into used car lot* *desperately attempts to blend in with inflatable arm flailing tube men*
@longwall26: No self-respecting murderer is going to have the patience to stand there for the twenty or thirty hours it'll take me to dig my own grave.