@NYC_Blonde: A friend will bail you out of jail, a best friend knows the password to your phone so they can delete all your nude selfies if you die
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@Cherbearxo: Apparently it's okay for the office to have "casual Friday's," but "nudist Tuesday's" are frowned upon. How embarrassing for me.
@maughammom: Judging by all the cracking and popping noises my body makes when I work out, I'd say I'm about 74% Rice Krispies.
@ashleycrem: My 4 y/o doesn't realize that things in life have happened before his existence. I bet this is what life is like for Kanye. Let's be gentle.
@theoduscrane: I wonder who ate the first egg. Like who said, "I'm a eat the white ball that chicken just shit out."