@AaronFullerton: A fun dream I have is to stand in the middle of Comic-Con, yell "What's so cool about Star Wars anyway?", then jetpack through the ceiling.
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@shatterpants: When a waitress asks me if I want soup or salad, I always ask "who's in charge of tossing the salads here?" Then I frown & order the soup.
@Jennabear32819: A cop pulled me over and said ''Papers...'' So I said, ''Scissors, I win!'' and drove off like a boss!
@wicce_podge: Hate to be nosey, people in the hallway, but you're too effing loud and yes, that mole should be looked at.
@ruinedpicnic: [Friend opens Christmas present] Me: It's a lie detector Friend: Oh... I love it Me: (whispering) we'll see