@rolldiggity: A fun prank if your roommate is a cartoon character is to draw clothes on the mirror so he leaves the house not realizing he's naked.
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@KalvinMacleod: WIFE: What did you just do? CAT: *bolts for no apparent reason* ME: *bolts in the opposite direction in case she’s after both of us*
@mattZillaaaa: I like to flush the toilet a few times when I'm on the phone with someone who calls me so they know not to do that again
@Cheeseboy22: If you can talk really fast you have some options in life: Become an auctioneer or list the side effects of drugs at the end of commercials.