@deardilettante: A fun thing to do would be to eat rat poison during a dinner party & then, when you die, they'll blame the host's cooking. Lol.
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@revengeofAA: The check engine light could be more specific...is it 'holy shit stop the car right now' or 'proceed with caution for the next 6000 miles'?
@dumbbeezie: Sometimes I think I want to have a baby but then I wake up the next morning still holding my beer and I think maybe not
@le_buns: "would u like some dessert?" i ask the moose head above the fireplace "no thanks im stuffed" i reply, in a slightly deeper voice
@AnkCoupleTO: *84th flr* CW: You look sad, can I cheer you up? M: Heard Van Halen's "Jump"? CW: Sure! Me: Jump out that window and sing it on the way down