@hpb777: A fun way to find bleach in your coffee is to tell me I'm turning into my mother.
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@PoliUncorrect: Interviewer: we need someone experienced, this job will break you... Worm: (slowly breaks itself in two while maintaining eye contact)
@BuckyIsotope: When you gaze into the abyss sometimes the abyss pats you gently on the hand and says she's just not that into you.
@zacharyflynn: You say jump I say how high. You say run I say how fast. You say lets hang out I say no.
@Cpt_Burnout: REALITY SHOW IDEA: Put 10 tweeters in a house with only 1 phone charger and plenty of booze. BOOM.