@SufficientCharm: A fun way to give your man a little scare is to ask him, "Do you know what tomorrow is?" and watch the panic set in.
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@socarolinesays: I used to think I'd never be able to be president because I'm a woman but now I know it's because I don't like drinking water
@LosLos__: And then God said: Let women have infallible memory. But technology said: And screenshots, just in casies.
@Beerhaze: If you have streaks of purple, green or blue in your hair, I will try to eat that cotton candy off your head until you tell me to stop.
@WheelTod: *hijacks plane *kills pilot Me *turning to friend: "OK. Now fly this thing!" Friend: “I can't fly a plane” Me: “But you told me you were a master of the skies!” Friend: “No. Master of *disguise*” Me: “Then why the heck are you dressed as a pilot!... Ah OK I get it now.”