@WittySassBasket: A funny thing I like to do is yell 'God, not your WHOLE hand' when the doctor does a pelvic exam.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@SteveSuckington: I rented this bobcat to help me dig up my new pool but he won't even hold the shovel. He's just eating all the neighborhood squirrels.
@MeatyPunk: girl: tough guys are hot Me: *hawk lands on my bare arm* I have a gauntlet I just never use it *hawk gnawing on my shoulder* I love this
@boring_as_heck: Shit. Damn it. A bumper sticker just changed my entire worldview, again. This happens like 3 times a day.
@goldengateblond: Lady at the door asked if I'd found Jesus and I was all HOW IS HE MISSING, IT WAS YOUR DAY TO WATCH HIM. I don't think she'll be back.