@fightforfood: A funny thing to do when someone's dog barks at you is say, "I don't speak dog," and then when they leave the room, speak dog fluently.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@dafloydsta: I have good and bad news WIFE: Bad news first We need a new front door WIFE: And the good news? [points to Monster Truck in living room]
@TheTweetOfGod: Since yesterday was the National Day of Prayer, today must be the National Day of Disappointment.
@alextranquada: EXORCIST: the previous tenant was murdered. You can see their ghost in the background of this photo SPOOKY GHOST VOICE: oooomg deleeeete it