@junkyard_jake: A gaggle of geese. A murder of crows. A nope of laundry.
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@WilliamAder: Discovered that my wife can talk to me THROUGH THE SPEAKERS OF MY NEW CAR so I'm returning it.
@codyspencer0: Somebody said "hey wanna eat this apple" and I said "no thanks I ate a PC for lunch"
@internetluke: [hears a baby crying on the train] Can somebody put that thing on silence please? "It's a baby.." ... "..." Vibrate?
@HeSlimedMeRay: It's "aisle" not "isle." If someone's on the "alcohol isle" that means they're in Jamaica, not at the grocery store.