@ieatanddrink: A gentleman never eats his soup by soaking it into his tie and squeezing it out into his mouth
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@robyn_vo: People who say their migraine is going to be the death of them are totally right because I just killed a lady right after she said that.
@YoungNobler: This ATM will not give me free money no matter how many times I try the Konami Code.
@ConcernedSirGuy: Sirs & Ma'ams, It is a well-known fact that when Jesus takes the wheel, He doesn't just stop with the wheel. He takes the stereo too.
@BakwasRadio: Whenever a guy peeps into my phone, I open the front cam and take a selfie with him.