@ieatanddrink: A gentleman never eats his soup by soaking it into his tie and squeezing it out into his mouth
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@daemonic3: Welcome to Condescending Club. Even an idiot would know the 1st rule. If not, you want paaaatronizing club. You know what that is, riiiight?
@tacos_y_cerveza: I bet the guy that was looking forward to his next life and came back reincarnated as me is really disappointed.
@SondraDeeMe: My Medical Emergency Contact is a girl from college who promised she'd pluck any stray hairs off my face if I slipped into a coma.
@Amburglar_: Mad at your man? Five minutes before he gets home, turn on "Pitch Perfect" then hide the remote in the dishwasher.