@thejayroyal: A girl drinks 4 cosmos over a span of 60 minutes. 25 mins later, she texts 3 of her besties. How many emojis will she use? Show your work.
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@TheSharona06: For people who say "nothing is impossible", that's crazy. I've been successfully doing nothing for several years now.
@slimmy_shady: Hey Pringles, It's time to widen the can. Your core demographic isn't exactly thin-wristed. Thank you!
@TheAlexNevil: Most of being a parent means saying "Great!!" when your kid insists you watch him perform an unidentifiable skill.
@jergarl: [on phone with debit fraud] Bank guy: Sir do you shop on line at all Me: DUDE IT'S 2017 WE BUY TOILET PAPER ONLINE BG: M: Sometimes. Yes